I’m Sawazi. (Su- like suck, wa like wallow, z). It means the Morning Star so no my parents weren’t drinking the Kool-Aid when they named me. I was named with a purpose, and I have no idea what it is other than to be great. I am at a stage in my life where nothing seems to satisfy me and I suspect it’s because I’m living the standard, one size fits all “American Dream” instead of my own. We’re not exactly taught how to discover, or even consider, our true gifts and interest. We shuffle through life following whatever set of rules and expectations are instilled in us, battling to make a living and become some future version of ourselves.
Late 2014, I decided things weren’t going as planned (go figure) and that I was spinning in circles. I needed time to center myself and get ready for battle again;I could barely breathe. Dazed and confused, I decided to just be still. To stop and evaluate myself for all my worth. The good the bad and the ugly. I had forgotten my own advice, “It won’t still while you figure it out”.
While I was sitting on the sidelines getting ready to go to war with life, the enemy stole my brother.One day he was here, the next he was gone. As they removed him from his favorite sofa in our childhood home, I ran my fingers through his signature curly hair, identical to my own, and said goodbye for the last time. My brother had lost his battle with life. Everything else became irrelevant.
In death, Michael taught me what couldn’t be done in life: “LET THAT SHIT GO! The fear. The self-doubt. The negativity. Don’t let this thing we call life consume you”. I had been so caught up trying to “BECOME” I had ceased to “BE”.
These days, I’m just a girl on a mission to appreciate and accept the present moment for all its glory and modesty. To simply “BE”, one moment at a time, in order to live the life that was meant for me. A life filled with love.